I initially publicized this text back in October 2012 as a Facebook status. This one simply needed to get out. It‘s kinda reflection of my (in that moment) 22 years of existence and even today, I can undersign that.
Following text is autobiography about life of not only one person. It is not a confession or sentiment – I have so much inner peace that I can solve my stuff on my own. However, I feel the need to give you this text because I was lost for the majority of my life without realizing it… And if you feel lost sometimes too, maybe you‘ll find this useful.
When I recently found out that ME is not the real ME, i felt a bit confused. But let’s not skip the important stuff. Just like you, I was born some time ago. During my life I gained experience and was preparing myself for life of an „adult“. My vision was clear – to use my clever brain so that I‘ll have a lot of money and lot of unrestrained sex.
I rejected a few girls and a few girls rejected me. Back then I viewed that as a „bad“ experience, today I just see that as an experience. It was never „worse“ than I imagined it on my own.
I analyzed that and moved on, finding that I don‘t need to repeat these „mistakes“ again. By finishing the highschool, I sometimes found myself thinking about purpose of life. To build a house, found a family and to have a 9 to 5 job so that I can sustain myself and the ones that I love – is that really all? To somehow keep my mind busy to think that I am subservient, because I live in a world where there are rules which they taught me at school?
After I‘ve been rejected by a girl, I „closed up“. I switched from a friend to a career oriented freak. I just wanted to forget about all the feelings and to become an efficient money-making machine. However, marijuana, stress and my own imbalance caused something that I could never expect to happen. I began to feel the fear. Paranoia and fear of being chased were on the order of the day. I heard voices that slandered me. Voices that knew about everything I‘ve done and were laughing at me. Voices that wanted to hurt and kill me. Voices that were only in my head.
To put it shortly – after I‘ve been rejected again, it was the best thing that could happen, because I started to feel a huge anger. Maybe it‘s not a „positive“ energy, but it definitely made me move on. Away from gloom and melancholy. After half-year of this schizophrenic horror, things started to turn the „better“ way. I‘m pretty sure that if that wouldn’t have happened, this cyst I have in my body would turn into a tumor. Anyway, I still didn‘t resolve many things even when I entered my latest school – art college.
So how did I manage to overcome that? Well – simply thanks to my friends. Both old and new ones. Beings that I didn‘t meet by a chance, as I know now. I find it amazing, how my thinking shifted in the last year, especially when I proudly thought that nothing can surprise me anymore. The biggest breakthrough came on December 29th 2011 when I had a dream. A single dream that made me to look after my deepest abilities and that made me think whether all that stuff I was taught at school was good for something.
So, to come to the most important thing – I started to question everything. To question the world that surrounds me. To question the system that dictates and limits and won‘t allow anyone to step out of that box. To question whether I need to eat meat or whether I need to eat at all.
I received a body that I‘m infinitely grateful for. Simply because of it I am able to transfer my thoughts into physical reality. I received a brain but no school taught me how to use it on its best. Gradually, I became interested in meditation, intuition or how can I move my consciousness out of physical body. I found that death is just an illusion and that there is no „good“ or „evil“ – everything is part of experience and Soul is immortal. Even though I was never interested in higher existence, today I know that God exists (btw that‘s not my favorite name for the Universal force that encompasses and connects everything but whatever).
I started to listen to my inner guidance (soul, intuition, higher self – choose what you like) and interesting things started to happen to me. Thanks to my inner guidance I write these lines. Also, it is a part of resolving some personal issues. It is my definite removal of armor. Before this I saw a sense in winning a battle and becoming a winner. Now I see the greatest sense in cooperation and exchange of experience.
Time ceased to have the same meaning as it had before, because it is just an illusion. What happened before, I can not change and what will happen is based on what is NOW. And when I realized that NOW is the only real thing I „have“, I started to really live and to enjoy every breath.
Also I came to a conclusion that the only thing that can cure me is myself and holistic approach to my mind, body and spirit. When these are balanced, it affects not only you but also others around. I found that medicaments are not what heals us, but the inner processes in our bodies do so . They just need to get kicked off somehow. Think of placebo… I also found that I can cure my eyesight – and I mean all the five diopters – without surgery. And if I wouldn‘t see the improvement and wouldn’t have it confirmed from my optometrist, I wouldn‘t write that.
I got introduced to brilliant work of Frantz Bardon and Bretislav Kafka and I thank God that these people created what they created and passed that on (even with many years delay due to communist regime).
So now I can return back to the starting question: Who am I and what am I doing here? Well, I won‘t make things unnecessarily complex, so to put it simple:
Just like everyone else, I am a Soul being in a physical body and I have my ego. Ego resists the change, has its comfort zone, wants money, sex, fame and the best for itself. But by not giving his thoughts energy, it doesn’t manifest itslef. On the other hand, my Soul is Pure Love. It loves everything and everyone; it loves miracle we call LIFE and therefore it loves God with something you can call Unconditional Love.
The most beatiful thing about this is that many people will hang on to their ego and tell you that spiritual things are unimportant, because we are surrounded only with physical world. Well, are thoughts physical? Can they be weighted or measured? Howcome that there are cities and cars around us? Simply because someone had to think of them and then create them. The world is a spiritual place whether you like it or not and all of this we perceive everyday is a hell of a convincing illusion that is here to teach us (and not only us) something…
I see that again I wrote more than I planned. And still there is a possibility here that you will understand it differently because we all have our own reality. Believe me, if there was a way to transmit all of this in an exact manner how I perceive and feel it, I would‘ve done that – but we‘re not on that level yet. And if you‘d like to get some advice, here is all I can give: free yourself from negative emotions, be creative, live NOW, love with all of your Heart and look at the world with a child‘s curious eyes.